Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize