she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
