I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
