why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
