I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
