also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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