So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
