It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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