ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
