I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
