Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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