i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
