he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize