So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
