I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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