i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
