I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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