Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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