But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
