Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
im drinking this country out of the recession.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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