Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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