is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
