You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize