Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
