i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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