she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
