I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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