im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
