umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize