is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
