What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
