it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
