It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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