i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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