just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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