He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Randomize