I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
