Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
