We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
