I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
