Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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