dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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