fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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