I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
