Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
