so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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