I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
