he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
