Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
