They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
