im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
