I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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