Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Randomize
