If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
