Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
