have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
