We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
