There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize