I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
