The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
