And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
