i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
