Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
we're so committed to being not committed
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