At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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