if i can run in heels then i can drive
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
