the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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