True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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