Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
