Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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