it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
