I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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