I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
