This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
