Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize