U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
