he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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